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Jul. 1st, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

For Now ... Trouble In Paradise

Someone at the campground has accessed this journal.
Under normal circumstances, that wouldn't be a problem. However, whoever it was -- and I'm not allowed to know who -- 'they' spoke with 'The Guys' about my entries concerning my Love. If it's here and I've mentioned the 'gag order,' why did 'they' go to anyone but me?

Now I'm being raked over the coals by him. It won't stop, either. He's not likely to forgive me for providing an avenue for his secret to get out. Whoever it was wasn't kind enough to come to me; 'they' went to the bosses. I'm figuratively as good as dead. I'll get no more sharing from Love, and the guys won't trust me with anything either. And I thought things couldn't get much more unfair.

I will do my best to keep checking in weekly. However, the subjects will be very limited for some time. No more updates. No more moral support. Please, LJ friends, understand.

I'll check in again on Tuesday, as 'usual' of late.

Jun. 26th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Hmm, What Say You?

My daughter arrives today for a four-day visit!  So excited.  Her daughter is ecstatic.

I'm going to go into the land of science fiction for just a moment today.

If a meteor or some such wiped out all electrical power on the planet for one year, how many societies would fall in chaos and anarchy? What about here in the U.S. on a simpler level, that of a family or an individual? I believe the adjustments, while challenging and difficult, would happen steadily and positively. I believe it's a powerful force to reckon with.

Think about it. No TV, no world wide web. Outside family activities would become as commonplace as they were when I was born. People would actually talk to each other, not text or email.

Here's what prompted this line of thought. Would I return to the same books, or would I be a frequent visitor to libraries and bookstores? I think I'd do all three.

What about you?

I think I'd still write, but my stories would be pen-and-paper written. I wonder if I'd write in more genres. I wonder if I'd take painstaking care to ensure others could read my writing so they could be shared.

How about you?

When power and the web were restored, I'd be delighted. But might it then hinder writers and authors after that period of time?

What do you think?



Jun. 19th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Yesterday, Today and Tomorrow

I subscribe to Hearts and Humor. I don't recall how or when I stumbled upon this treasure years ago. I read what Michael Smith wrote, and I followed the link to read Why he calls us 'friends.' It was heartwarming. I shed happy tears.

Michael offers peeks into his life without fear. I learned he lost his first wife. I learned his second wife was a widow when they met. And he tells a great story about that meeting. Each knew the other's heartache. They both knew the healing process from an intimate perspective. And his words are insightful and uplifting.

Included in his weekly submissions are really great links to a large variety of subjects. At the bottom are prayer requests. Last week I submitted my own, hoping to add some voices for one day to the prayers being said. The results are amazing.

In an outpouring of love I received a private email from Michael offering whatever I may need in strength, even a phone call. He's kindly forwarded emails to me from people who pray for us and offer words of encouragement. People I don't know. People I've never even 'chatted' with online. People who love unconditionally, it seems.

I received my order from Jon Gibbs yesterday. It felt like my birthday! A 'friend' stopped by today for coffee and was delighted when she saw "I are a writer" on my mug. It felt like a breath of fresh air. Fresh air my soul needed, it seems.

If I'm to be satisfied with what I write, I still need pen and paper to begin the creative process. And a mug of coffee or tea. Thank you, Jon!

Today is sunny. Beautiful. And I wrote something that hadn't existed until then. I told my husband I love him. I wished a grandchild a good day at work. And I thanked God for my blessings. Now I know I must learn to deal with these fears. But I feel a bit stronger, more able to do so.

If you've had a tough day, maybe there's a good reason -- or a reason for good to come of it. Seek it! I live; I think; I love. Tomorrow's troubles will come whether or not I worry about them. I await Tomorrow and will deal with it when it becomes Today. And then, heartache or no, I'll thank God for giving me that day to learn and live as well.

I may be losing my partner to cancer, but it's not the end of me. I will write. I will live. I will go on. And, yes, I'll miss him. But he wants me to look forward. Looking back for reflection is good. Looking forward with understanding of Yesterday is power.  With the help of my friends, I will be powerful.

Jun. 14th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Some schedule

Humph! So much for getting something written at least once a week. I let it slide between the cracks.
No excuses! Not if I am a writer. 

So how to fix it?

Aha! Cell phones today can be wonders. For example, there's a calendar available. And alarms. And reminders. And calendar alarm reminders.  So ... I'm going to try that. Get something written -- anything -- before you forget how. Right?

No, this wasn't a scheduled stop. But I know you guys can be trusted to keep me continuing to make the effort while I train my writer-self.

Jun. 4th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Listening

I apologize for being flaky about posting. I'll work on it. At least once a week, I should check in. Sometimes, though, I really don't think of something that might interest others. I might be all wrapped up in it but it wouldn't interest anyone else.  I'll work on it. I promise.

***

A few years ago, if my son planned to visit, he might ask for gas money or a little grocery money. But he wouldn't be concerned about towels or pillows. This time, though, he was concerned about such things and how to pack them and still have room for clothes. I understand. I came here with what fit in a suitcase, nothing more.  Between chuckles he was assured by text he mustn't worry; we had it covered. 

I appreciate his caution and concern, though. He wishes to avoid causing us any undue burden. But I'm still Mom. Always will be. And that includes all the details the job title encompasses. It's funny sometimes, the way some people say 'I care' and 'I love you" without saying a word. I'm grateful I'm listening.

May. 27th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Yes, Still

I've been working on my first manuscript for a couple years now. Probably more. Haven't counted. Although I have a complete story, I know it isn't enough.

I've learned a little at a time about writing, about being a writer. I've learned about forum trolls up-close-and-personal, and I've encountered 'writer snobs.' I've also learned those are the minority. I've learned most successful authors don't mind dropping a few pearls for a new writer. They are the majority.

I've also learned about John Q. Public's varying attitudes. I find three to be prevalent.

One is the person who asked, "So what have you been up to lately?"

"I'm still working on my first book."

"Oh, that."  Or  "Oh."

And s/he changes the subject.

There are those who ask the question, hear the reply, and launch into a long-winded monologue about the book they're going to write someday. I try to listen and practice patience. Then I encourage them to start writing the book now and not wait for 'someday.' We don't know how many days we have. 'Today' is 'Someday.'

The third group
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May. 16th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

Quick Fun

Most writers can work a specific phrase into a story or a paragraph. But what about working it into a single sentence?

I heard the phrase, "... the corner or No and Where." Yes, I have a bent mind. Sometimes it helps.  After a moment's thought, I came up with this.

The corner of No and Where is perpendicular to the corner of Walk and Don't walk.

Want to play?

No, there's no tangible reward. Yes, I find it a fun exercise. That's why I wanted to share. It takes only a speck of time but it made me smile. Sometimes a smile is the perfect medicine.
Tweety & Sylvester

CONTROL/FUN

Everyone wants to feel in control to some degree. Even those who profess to serve God, those who follow the teachings of Jesus (to some degree, at least) desire to have control. Control of their bodies. Control over their environment. Control over certain others. Control in the home.

My love has made progress. Sort of. He waffles. He is still in denial for the most part, but sometimes he faces the deadly diagnosis. Mostly he strives for control. He seeks to control how he lives these final months of his life.

He does not fear death. He considers two things in an American's life inevitable: death and taxes. Yet I'll be stuck paying back taxes long after he's gone. He stopped dealing with them a while back. I was in too much pain back then to realize. I'll deal with it, since I've no choice. But he seeks to control what he can about his death.  Yes, Ricky is a 'control freak.' He considers me strong and independent because I refuse him complete control over me. So be it.

Writers of fiction do have control. The writer creates the world, the people, the situation; all of it. But is that always so?



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May. 11th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

THE FIRST CRITIQUE

It's doubtful I'm capable of doing as good a job for myself as I do for others because I'm intimately familiar with the story. Nevertheless, I am capable of 'critiquing' my own chapters before submitting them to others.

I can read and review for unnecessary and overused words. Checking to confirm my tenses are consistent is not a challenge for me. Right now showing, not telling, is a challenge for me, especially when I get in a hurry to get the stuff on the page. I can slow down and redo it after I have it down on paper, and I can look for that weakness and correct what I do find.

Now I'm a bit frustrated and impatient with myself. Why on earth did it take me this long to figure that out? Sheesh!

There is a good side, of course. Now I know it's the last step I must take before submitting a chapter to the group. And it's something I know I can do, because I catch those things when reviewing another's chapter.
Even an exciting piece of fiction follows those rules. That's a victory too.

#

Here at the campground we're gearing up for Mother's Day weekend. The restaurant opens and mothers eat free on Sunday morning. We anticipate a pretty good-sized crowd. The weather's supposed to be beautiful. So here I go to get ready for work.

Thank you for the prayers and well wishes. Please keep them coming.





May. 6th, 2012

Tweety & Sylvester

THE SAME SITUATION AND THE BLESSING OF A WORKER-BEE

It's surprising how many people have been or are in the same situation as I am with my Love. I find I grieve for them, which doesn't leave much room for finding comfort in that knowledge. However, it is empowering to discover others deal with similar challenges simultaneously.

I've received helpful suggestions. One is hospice. Thing is, don't know when to contact them. I understand they can help both of us get through this.

Saw my doc. My blood pressure is up. Imagine that. When I told Colleen, his RN, the probable reason, her reaction was almost physical. She behaved like I'd hit her. Doc finished the visit reminding me it is my obligation and responsibility to take care of myself first. This gruff, to-the-point man was so gentle it was amazing. Maybe he's a keeper. He'll be checking me monthly for the next few months. Wonder why. In the meantime, he upped by medication.

I do have some good news. Our #3 granddaughter is coming to visit. Now, this is the same girl who visited for two weeks last summer. She fell in love with western New York. It is a very beautiful place. She intends to say for several months. Dri has a pure heart, one she wears on her sleeve. She is normally happy and upbeat, what I’d call ‘chipper.’ It will be good to have her near.

The guys are all chomping at the bit to have her here, too. She learned to drive the tractor last year, and she proved very flexible when it came to being asked to do something. She’s a worker bee, no doubt about it. I’m to teach her the office procedures too. Then she can go wherever needed without hesitation and with confidence.

She made those plans before we learned about my Love. Although she knows, she can’t say anything until we get the Okay from him. Yep, the guy who’s in denial.

 I know she wants to be near to be of whatever aid she can be when her Papau is in need of assistance, whether it be work or personal. And she won’t flail, either. She will have her crying jags, of course, as will we all. But she’ll buck up and be there too. And she loves me, but he’s the one who spoiled them the most. I get it.

  My daughter is hoping to pay us a visit in June. Trust me; that wasn’t her original plan. Now it is, if she can get the time and afford the travel. I think she’ll figure out a way.

 My son is a full-time student and part-time employee. He’s desperately looking for a way to come visit. I told him not to sacrifice rent, utilities, food, or gas to get to and from where he needs to go. We do understand his heart is with us. I don’t know if it will be enough for him. Rick is his stepdad but it’s Ricky he calls on Father’s Day. I guess time will tell. If he can’t do it, he can’t do it. I get it. So does my Love. No hard feelings. I hope he truly knows that.

 My #1 granddaughter is expecting a fourth child on December 12th. If they brought him/her into the world two days earlier, we’d share a birthday. I don’t think she can leave the three she has to visit. But I also know her heart will be with him.

 Number 4 is a teenager. She hasn’t grasped the finality of the diagnosis yet. No one’s in a rush for her to do so, either. She’s praying for her sick Papau to get well. ‘Tis enough.

 My third grandchild hasn’t been told yet. His mom will, once we’ve seen the doc on the 9th. Same with the pregnant one. We’re waiting to give her the news as well.

Our relationship has ‘softened.’ It’s really quite nice. I hope it lasts but since I know the reason, I’d be okay if he was well and back in Ass h*** mode.

This is too long. I apologize. I’m doing well most of the time and doing my best to meet my obligations at work and on two others’ books and work on mine.

You were right. One told me not to concern myself about it. The other told me she’d been through the same illness with her dad and she’d appreciate it if I’d finish going through her book for her. I find quite a bit so it’s more time consuming than I’d like.

 Sometimes I want to veg out and not think, just watch TV. I take those times and do just that, not work on anyone’s manuscript. I don’t apologize. I know my LJ friends said it’s okay. And they ought to know.

 The season’s officially open and the campers are arriving. That means much less time (due to my energy limits; I admit) to do anything but work, eat, sleep. But I give it a shot anyway. And the happy children help.

Most of ‘em think I’m okay and wouldn’t cause me a problem on a dare. Gotta love it. Even if my official stance is ‘I don’t do kids.’ The guys just look at me, smile, and turn away. I mean, I just treated some minor extra special. So of course I don’t do kids. Right? Go ahead and grin. I’ll look away.

 Thanks for being there.

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